HELEN DILLY

Marital status: it's complicated

Color: blue…like the little blue pill men take to giddy on up

Food: Jameson and any merlot with a twist cap

Proud of: I'm proud to have been Homecoming Queen of Cooter County in my day. I am also proud that I left Cooter to make something of myself and rubbed elbows with some pretty important people. Danny Zuko and I created the most perfect child, El Ron jr…he's the light of my life.

Embarrassing moment: El Ron jr insisted on wearing the same pair of white linen pants for 3 months to prepare for his role of Jesus in the school play. I didn't realize they were completely see thru in the sun light and everyone could see his pennsylvania.

Hobbies: collecting healing crystals, highlighting my son's bangs, doing good things and doing things GOOD.

Pet peeve: Ellen. She's a good fer nuthin', jealous, cheetah print wearin' tramp but I pray for her bc it must kill her that she got Don E. Goode by default.

Movie: Wild Hogs

Song: I will Survive

Helen Dilly: Formerly the Homecoming Queen and the high school sweetheart of Don E. Goode, Helen had high hopes of becoming a movie star and getting out of this "one whore town" (meaning her sister Ellen). She left for Hollywood after high school. With some luck in B movies, she supposedly met John Travolta, had a torrid affair resulting in her getting pregnant and converting to Scientology. She returned to Cooter County only to find out that Don E. Goode married her sister, Ellen. Helen loves vodka and a variety mood altering medications and is fiercely protective of her son, El Ron.

(Helen Dilly is played by Tiffany Engen)

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ELLEN DILLY

Age: ain't nothing but a number sugar

Marital status: married to Don E. Goode with 2 kids…Justice and Opton

Color: anything animal print

Food: vodka

Proud of: proud not to be a naggin, titty waggin whore like some people

Embarrassing moment: I'm not embarrassed of anything. I shake what my momma gave me.

Hobbies: partying, dancing on bars

Pet peeve: Helen

Movie: Cocktail

Book: the Bible

Song: Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leopard

Ellen Dilly: Ellen is the town hussy, although she claims to be a devoted wife and mother. She revels in the pain that marrying Don has caused Helen. Her daughter, Justice, is her partner in crime. She loves to stir the pot in Cooter County. Rumors have come and gone as to her sexual escapades with Cooter County's lesbian community. She fiercely defends her marriage to Don, and yet her favorite music artists are K. D. Lang, Melissa Etheridge and The Indigo Girls.

(Ellen is played by Brooke Engen)

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Kitty Litre

Marital Status: Married

Favorite Color: Botox

Favorite Food: Chardonnay

Something you are proud of: How great I look

Most embarrassing moment: "filling out these questions"

Hobbies: "Is this some sort of joke?"

Pet Peeve: "I love ALL pets. Especially Maltipoos"

Favorite movie: "Nip/Tuck"

Favorite Song: 'Raise Your Glass' by Pink.

Kitty Litre is one of Cooter County's most prettiest and wonderfullest women. She is a constant fixture in the society pages of the Cooter Examiner, and is a role model for all young girls who aspire to grow up and live a life of Botox and public drunkenness. Even though there is a forty year age difference between her and her husband, Rusty Bones, Kitty is a devoted housewife and loves drinking, dancing, drinking, and passing out and drinking to forget passing out. She's a devout Methodist Christian and serves as a Sunday School teacher because of her love of children and the access to the communal wine goblet. As a young woman, she was a spokesmodel for Ogilve Home Perm (whose factory headquarters were located in Cooter from '76 to '77). Kitty is an avid watcher of television and loves to watch shows about wine and facial transplants.

(Kitty is played by Laura Bell Bundy)